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Transformers Animated Premiere
On December 26th Cartoon Network aired the premiere of the new animated Transformers cartoon, brazenly called Transformers Animated. Now that I am back to a normal-ish schedule I can post my thoughts on the hour-and-half movie from the team that brought us Teen Titans. There were a couple important things I made sure to keep in mind as I watched it. At San Diego Comic-Con '07 we were told that the target audience was six-year-olds, yet there would be some nods to fans of the old Transformers, so while I hoped for the best, I didn't try to expect anything great. Transformers Animated begins by showing scenes from the original Generation 1 Transformers cartoon, effectively explaining where this takes place during the timeline. Maybe. Taking a plot device from the movie, this series basis the Transformers' existence around one Allspark. The scenes from the original series were all on Cybertron. I couldn't tell if TFA is supposed to actually tie-in with the regular series or if the writers just wanted to give a nod to fans of the original show, but I'd guess the latter. Seeing the original series footage is cool, but it also gives everyone a chance to see how crappy cartoons have become since then. The robots and backgrounds of the original series footage is fairly detailed. When the camera pans off of the monitor to show the new Transformers, we see that this cartoon looks simple and not detailed, like every other show on Cartoon Network. It saddens me that nearly all cartoons look so simple now days. I guess kids just don't expect much from their cartoons anymore. The movie seems to open in a weird spot, too. There is no theme song to get me riled-up for some butt-kicking transformers action; the show just started and I feel like I missed something. Since it was recorded a DVR I rewound it to make sure that I was at actually at the beginning of the movie and I was. I still felt like I missed something important. Once I got past feeling out-of-place in the show, the first thing I noticed was that all the new Transformers have huge chins. These aren't the chiseled and heroic chins of the Justice League, however, these large chins that only serve to give everyone an excessive jaw line. All the Transformers' bodies are also drawn in the "hero" stance made popular by Justice League. I can handle the body style but those chins are absolutely awful. Speaking of looking awkward, I'll bring up the big bot himself, Optimus Prime. I already knew this version of Optimus would be younger, but he almost seems too young. His head looks fine with his face mask on, but with it off he has robot mutton chops. It's not a good look for him. His Cybertron vehicle form is a crappy "future" truck, too. At least he looks more normal when they reach Earth. If I decide to keep watching the show his voice would also take some getting used to.
Bumblebee and Prowl also have some ear-assaulting voices. Bumblebee has a very young high-pitched voice, but yeah, I know, it's a cartoon for little kids. However, Prowl easily has the worst voice in the show. He is obviously supposed to be some kind of robot ninja with his ninja weapons and ninja-ry actions, except he sounds more like some high-societal jackass who would be sitting on a gold chair while sipping tea and laughing at the misfortunes of the poor. In short, Prowl's voice doesn't fit the rest of his character at all. I would rather hear Storm Shadow's painfully fake Japanese accent form the old G.I. Joe cartoon. On the decent side of the Autobot spectrum we have Ratchet. He's the grumpy old Autobot in this series and played a part in "The Great War" between the Autobots and Decepticons a hundred or so years ago. Then there is Bulkhead. Even though his character is the obese idiot of the group, I don't actually mind him that much. Maybe it's because he has an unhealthy under bite instead of a needlessly long chin. The Autobots transform a couple times and it is very underwhelming. Instead of some decent animation combined with a cool sound all we get are a bunch of quick scribbles over the Autobot and they're a vehicle. Transforming, the main action of the Transformers, has been reduced to a few scribbles. How could they get the Transformers' main thing so wrong? This is a sad revelation for all Transformers fans. Anyway, through some event the Autobots find the Allspark (or the Allspark finds them). Optimus contacts headquarters to find out what he should do and chats with Sentinel Prime. We only see his head and shoulders, but he looks pretty dumb. He has exhaust pipes on his head, his arms, and back. At least his time on the show is minimal. After Sentinel, Optimus talks to Ultra Magnus. In most of the Transformers cartoons and comics, Ultra Magnus is usually about the same age as Optimus. Here Ultra Magnus is old and wrinkled. I guess that's okay since Ultra Magnus has historically been not that useful.
The Decepticons figure out that the Autobots have the Allspark and we get to see a little banter between the evil bots. Megatron is good in in both design and voice. He transforms into a modified version of the spaceship he was in the movie, which looks fairly cool. Of course you can't have the Decepticons without Starscream, who is here representing backstabbery in all its glory. Aside from his needlessly large chin Starscream is A-OK. His voice and eventual jet mode are spot-on. Another good thing about the Decepticons is the addition of Black Arachnia. She was a fan-favorite character, if not the fan-favorite, in Beast Wars. This shows that the creators are acknowledging not only a Beast Wars character, but the existence of Predacons, although she'll probably be a regular Decepticon to keep things simple for the kids. This also shows that Black Arachnia is in the series as pure fan service. It's good for her and us. Blitzwing is introduced and I couldn't be more disappointed. Well, actually I'll be more disappointed when Soundwave, who transforms into an ugly-ass Scion track with a Lazerbeak guitar, is eventually introduced. Blitzwing is now a crappier version of Man-e-Faces from He-Man. Although we don't see him transform, he is still a triple-changer and he has three personalities that fight with one another: idiot, crazy, and Nazi. I loved Blitzwing in the original series, but now I can't stand him. There is another 'bot called Lugnut who has a different look and I'm on the fence about him. His cyclops face stands out among the other Transformers yet he seems generic enough that he could be in any cartoon that requires a robot for an episode. Lugnut could go either way at this point. The Decepticons intercept the Autobot ship and Starscream plants a bomb on Megatron. Megatron gets inside the Autobot ship and comic antics ensue as the Autobots try to fight him. The ships ends up going through a space bridge that leads to, where else, but Earth. Megatron gets sucked out an airlock, the bomb on his back explodes, and we see his remains falling into a field near a little fat kid. The Autobot ship crashes into Lake Erie as the Decepticon ship explodes because it was hit by a comet or something. 50 years later Detroit is the leading manufacturer of robots that clean and fix stuff and is populated by pseudo-anime characters. Detroit has basically become a city like the ones in any of the Mega Man games. There is no specific year given so who knows when this really takes place. That fat kid that found Megatron's remains is now fat scientist Isaac Sumdac. He made all the robots using the technology he found from Megatron. Hmm, peaceful robots made from the ultimate evil of all evil robots? I sense a robot apocalypse in the future.
For now we have to settle for an accident involving nano-bots, a plant, and a cockroach. This questionable combination produces a giant cockroach monster that absorbs cars. The Autobots are taken out of stasis because roach goo falls into Lake Erie and enters a crack in the ship. The Autobots get new Earth vehicle forms and arrive on the scene to battle the roach monster. To possibly make up for the crappy transforming animation, we see some way overdone transforming sequences. This time all the Autobots transform with speed line money shots. I became disinterested during the whole roach battle because there was so much time spent on it. Where are the Decepticons? Shouldn't the Autobots be fighting them? The Autobots save the day but completely disregarded the whole "robots-in-disguise" portion of the theme song because the entire city now knows that big transforming robots are on Earth. I almost forgot, earlier in the show we are introduced to the main human protagonist of the show, Sari. Sari is a pseudo-anime six-year-old girl with a robot dog named Sparkplug (yes, Sparkplug is now a dog) and is the adopted daughter of Isaac Sumdac. She gets mixed up in the battle and Bumblebee rescues her. She then cons her way into Autobot headquarters and befriends the Autobots. At some point the key around Sari's neck gets transformed by the Allspark into a key that transforms into other keys. Her super key even transforms into keys that repair Autobots. Well, what luck that She's around when Prowl still needs repairing after the roach battle and Ratchet has done all he can. Some comic antics around Detroit occur as the Autobots try to get used to life on Earth such as Ratchet receiving parking tickets all over his windshield, which was kind of funny. All the Autobots get equipped with police lights on their roofs. Also, Optimus looks horrified when Sari whispers the sex talk to him. Wait, why is a six-year-old giving a sex talk? Fortunately there's no time for Sari to demonstrate the sex talk to Optimus because Starscream returns and attacks the Autobots. Starscream attacks Air Force jets and the animators make it a point to show the pilots parachuting to safety. He also starts shooting at humans on the ground, but its okay because he's a really bad shot. Bumblebee gets captured by Starscream and the only way for the Autobots to rescue him is to perform a plan that Sari came up with. They weren't going to go through with her plan at first, but she cries to get her way. This teaches kids that if parents have bad parenting skills, then kids will get their way if they cry about it. More antics of keeping the Allspark away from Starscream occur.
The battle against Starscream is eventually won due to the Allspark overheating or something, but Optimus falls to his death. That's right, they kill off Optimus in the premiere of the show. He even turns black and white like his Generation 1 death. Don't worry though, because Sari has her trusty key that can even bring back dead Autobots. With that key I guess we can expect no Autobots to ever actually die in the show and a lack of genuine drama, unlike Beast Wars where characters were killed off on a regular basis. The premiere is nearly over and we see that Isaac doesn't want the Autobots to learn the truth about his robotic empire. The camera cuts to show Megatron's head in Isaac's secret office. Isaac could almost be a villain at this point if he tries to hide Megatron from the Autobots. Megatron being immobile is, again, similiar to the movie. I just wonder if everyone will have to wait until the last thrid of the series before Megatron does something besides be grumpy I caught the next episode that premiered on January 5th so I could see how they handled the theme song. It makes me happy to say that they at least did the theme song right. It sounds very 80s and is something between the original and Lion's rockin' version for the movie. The actual episode was another story. I'll just say that the parts with Megatron were good, although he didn't really do much, and that most of the Autobot stuff was pretty lame. While Transformers Animated had a decent amount of fan-service and an homage here and there for older fans, it has plenty of things that just bother me. Prowl and Blitzwing are the biggest disappointments. I liked Teen Titans, so I can go with some of the kid stuff, but TFA seems almost too kiddie. Teen Titans also got dark at times and TFA has the potential, but right now I don't see that happening with the series. While the animation as a whole is good, the transforming animation is very poor. Some of those voices are just terrible, too. If you do decide to check out Transformers Animated keep in mind that it is not a show for you, it's a show for kids. - Shawn - 01/07/08
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