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Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones -20th Century Fox (2002)
Summary: This episode takes place ten years after the end of The Phantom Menace. It begins with a failed assassination attempt on the former Queen of Naboo, Padme. From there events lead up to a gigantic CGI war and Yoda doing summersaults. My Thoughts: This is another Star Wars film that excites some, disappoints many, and leaves a lot of people in the middle. I'm somewhat in the middle, because Attack of the Clones seesaws between one of the best Star Wars films and one of the worst. The film starts off fairly well with Padme’s arrival on the Republic home-world, which is interrupted by an assassination attempt. Unfortunately, after this exciting beginning we get a load of boring scenes that set up how Anakin and Obi Wan are supposed to guard the now former Queen. It also establishs that Anakin and Padme haven’t seen each other in all that time. These scenes are so boring and filled with such wooden dialogue and stiff delivery that they had me cringing. The one bright spot in this whole beginning is a very trimmed down role for Jar Jar Binks. Thank you, George Lucas, thank you. When Attack of the Clones gets moving again we are treated to a ridiculously absurd flying chase over the world of Coruscant. Obi-wan and Anakin try to stop a fleeing bounty hunter in one of the most over the top chase sequences I've ever seen. It was so unbelievable that I was never afraid that Anakin was going to die, because the danger almost bordered on comedic. When they finally track the assasin down to a space sports bar they are able to confront her. I fail to understand why use a shape shifter alien doesn't even use her power to aid in her escape. Hello? What was the point of having a shape shifter that stays one shape? Or even for that matter, a shape shifter that changes into the same shape back and forth? The film drags from this point until Obi-Wan makes his way to the planet Kamino. At this watery world he meets some of the best Star Wars aliens to date. I don't know what it is with George Lucas, his eyes are attracted to the gayest alien designs in the world, but this time he picked a halfway decent model. It is at Kamino where Jango Fett is introduced. Jango Fett is the cat's ass. (For some reason, the term "cat's ass" means cool and I've always wanted to use it in a sentence.) Anyway Jango is all the things I imagined Boba to be when playing with his action figure…when I was a child of course. He flies around like some crazy space ninja and actually uses that mysterious missile that Boba never got around to using. And sure, he dies a retarded death, but maybe it's a Fett tradition. I'm thinking that Jango's Dad was fried to a crisp by peeing on an electric fence. Now Boba is a little kid, and normally I detest children in sci-fi, but this kid is great. I was afraid he'd be as teeth grindingly awful as young Ani AKA Jake Lloyd in The Phantom Menace. He's given some great scenes that show him as a little badass, like when he chuckles evilly when him and his poppa think they've killed Obi-Wan. It’s during this scene that you realize how cool this movie is at its best times. I love the sonic bombs that Jango drops in the asteroid belt as he chases down Obi-wan, and I often use this scene as a demonstration of my subwoofer's Jedi powers. Attack of the Clones biggest flaw is the love subplot between Anakin and Padme. While Obi-wan is busy fighting space ninjas, Anakin is trying to get on Padme. The love scenes are like an exercise in pleasure delaying. You have to wait for these horribly written scenes to end before you actually get to the good stuff again. If that wasn't bad enough, some of the worst acting in the whole film is contained within the Anakin and Padme scenes. Its almost impossible to understand why Padme would fall for Anakin. From the moment they meet he gives off a bad Macaulay Culkin vibe from The Good Son. There isn’t a scene that makes it understandable or even believable that she is actually falling in love with him. He has no charm or grace or any qualities that most people find redeeming. The pair only partially comes close to having real human emotions when they are on a picnic with the giant ass-monsters, but still they fail. Instead of laying the groundwork for love, they talk about politics and how Anakin wants a steel fisted dictatorship to rule the galaxy; smooth one bucko. There is a bright side to this love plot. Some of the deleted scenes on the special features disc add a little to help with this missing element. I'm referring to a couple of scenes at Padme's parents' home. These scenes may have slowed the pace, like Lucas contends in their intros, but they do a lot for Anakin and Padme in the long run. Still, since they aren't in the final cut they sadly can't be considered in this review. The main reason for many of the problems with Attack of the Clones is the writing is below average. Any script that has a character say, "I wish I could just wish it all away", has some serious creative issues. Lines like these shine like shitty diamonds in the love scenes. The worst scene in the entire movie is when Anakin slaughters an entire village because they were responsible for his mother's death. This scene has it all, bad acting and bad writing. When he confesses that he murdered innocent women and children, instead of being horrified Padme says, "To be angry is to be human." What? Excuse me? What am I missing here? If my girlfriend came in and told me she just killed forty men, women, and children do I simply say, “Anger is natural.” Is this the point when she realizes she loves him? She reminds me of an abused woman who thinks she can change her sad and pathetic boyfriend by marrying him. After you get that taste out of your mouth, the movie improves tremendously. Once the trio of Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Padme are all tied up the movie begins really rolling with some action and escaping and all kinds of good stuff. You also get some lovely jokes by C-3PO at this point in the film. In case you forgot C-3PO is America's favorite gay robot. Oh, C-3PO's lovely humor. Many people think these jokes are the pits of Hell opening up and swallowing the unrighteous. I think its sort of funny in a terribly corny way. With every corny joke I think, “Thank God Jar Jar isn't doing this.” Once the clone troopers and the evil robots begin to battle all hell breaks loose and its classical Star Wars this-is-what-I've-been-waiting-twenty-years-for action. The battle takes place on an epic scale, and I love all the detail that was put into it. The giant dusty land battle is great, and after it slows down a bit we get to see Yoda go nuts. Yoda's fight scene became the greatest assets this film had. At the time the film was in theaters, they geared their marketing campaign to the idiotic, “Who da man? YODA MAN!” because of the scene's popularity. Out of all the hype that has been generated by Lucasfilm over these films from Darth Maul, to this amazing “love” story, this is one of the only things that has really paid off and lived up to the hype. At the end you get some great scary “what's to come” sort of stuff and the stupid idiot Padme marries the crazy-as-hell guy. I can't wait for the next one. This is the same sort of DVD edition we've come to expect from Lucasfilm. The video transfer is awesome. The colors are brilliant and the blacks are appropriately black. In fact, this is one of the best DVDs I've ever seen. The 5.1 surround mix is also insanely good. Like I said earlier, the sonic bombs that Jango Fett uses sounds so great, that I'd recommend this DVD just for that scene if you have a good surround sound system. Extras: There are more extras than you can shake a stick at, which makes me wonder what they will do for a re-release. All of the extras are on a second disc, which is always a good sign. I won't go into all of the extra goodies, because there are so many and it is fun to find them all for yourself, but I'll highlight some of the bigger ones. Besides the insightful and interesting commentary by the entire cast and crew there are eight deleted scenes, each with a short introduction by the filmmakers. The scenes between Padme and Anakin add a little something that is missing from the final version like I’ve said before. There also is a scene between Obi-Wan and Mace Windu that isn't very interesting, except that you get a look at a Jedi hanger and how they keep their hyperspace drives in orbit. This kind of thing gets the nerd in me all riled up. There are also plenty of trailers and TV spots as well. I love that these have been preserved on this disc, because a lot of the spots are better than the film itself. The first time I saw the movie I was disappointed that the answer to Obi-Wan's statement, "Your clones are impressive." wasn't, "They'll do there job." Instead, this great line of dialogue was diluted with a bunch of other junk. I also loved the campaign that would highlight different characters and their professions. I still like to watch the Jango Fett and Clone Trooper ones. There's even more packed onto the extras disc believe it or not. There are exclusive production photos, documentaries and featurettes, and still more. Top it all off with a great motion menu presentation and you have a pretty awesome disc. Score: Film: 8.5 It needed a rewrite, but the good parts are oh so good. Extras: 9.5 There’s practically more than you'd ever want to know about this film in the enormous amount of extra material. Edition: 9.5 -Paul |
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