The 12 Sexiest Women of Star Trek
12. Tasha Yar: If you like your girls tough, like biker chick tough, then hereís your woman. I always thought Yar would be pretty dominant in the bedroom. Hell, she wouldnít stop until you cried and begged her to like the pathetic man you are. Hey, sometimes you need to be used like cheap toilet paper. Come to think about it, Yar was about as close to having sex with a Klingon without having to deal with the bizarre head crest and tooth-filled vagina. Plus, any chick that can ride Data in full-on-drill-mode needs to be on this list. I mean, did you see how fast that robot can read? If she can handle that, she must be pretty wild.
11. Jadzia Dax: Iíve never been that hot on Dax, but she had her moments. Plus, she kissed another chick so by guy math (any base level attractive woman gets instantly hotter by a factor of ten when kissing another base level attractive woman) she manages to gain enough points to get on the list.
10. Dr, Beverly Crusher: I know what youíre saying, "Doctor Beverly Crusher? Are you fucking mental?" Hang in there with me, it will make sense in a moment. You see, youíve got to give the Doctor credit for bringing it up about ten notches from her first appearances as the world's most mousy mother in The Next Generation. As the years wore on she got a much sexier hairdo and a much more form fitting uniform. Perhaps she had a sexual awakening when she had left for that one season. Time to put Wesley to bed early, Doc. You've got a mission. A sexy mission.
09. Hoshi Sato: Sure, Hoshi couldnít hold a candle to TíPolís unholy amount of sexiness on Enterprise, but if you like the innocent girl next door combined with your Asian fetish then hereís your girl. Plus, you could use the awesome pick up line, ďI know you can speak a hundred languages, but I bet I could teach you a thing or two about the language of love... and dry humping."
08. Uhura: Say what you will about the importance of a glorified telephone operator on the bridge of the original Enterprise, Uhura was the first African American woman to give pasty white nerds the Fevah.
07. Ensign Ro: I never understood why I found her as attractive as I do. Is it the short dark hair? The ridged nose? Her strong angular facial features? It's hard to say. I think the answer lays in her bitchy attitude. Ro always seemed to me like the kind of gal who will boss you around outside the bedroom, yet would be a total submissive in the sack. At least thatís how it goes down in my mind when I masturbate.
06. Lt. Saavik: Before TíPol nearly knocked her now fat ass almost off this list, Kirstie Ally was one hot Vulcan. I'm sure Kirk showed her how he beat the Kobayashi Maru in his quarters off-screen. Note: Her horrid replacement in Star Trek III is not included in this list.
05. The Orion Slave Girls: They are the one exception to our rules for this list, but to be fair they appeared on at least two episodes in two different series. Hell, rules were made to be broken and we just love the idea of sexy vixens who'd serve our every perverted whim (especially the one involving Transformers and peanut butter).
04. Leeta: This once former background character deserves to be on this list simply because sheís smoking hot. The producers of Deep Space 9 knew they had a sexy deficit on their hands, so they gave Leeta a lot more face time than any background character normally deserves. I met her once at a small convention when I was in high school. I donít think I managed to say anything when she autographed a photo of herself and I stared at her breasts. In fact, Iíve only ever seen her face on television.
03. Counselor Troi: In the culturally sensitive 90s, the addition of a ďshipís counselorĒ made a lot of sense. It made a lot more sense to get a hot chick with a skin tight outfit to do the job. Sure she might have the largest hips in the galaxy, but seriously Iíd be in the Counselorís chambers every day when the Holodeck wasnít busy. If you know what I mean.
02: TíPol: The bowl haircut really never did anything for Jolene Blalock, but the cat suit and the infamous massage episodes sure got nerds everywhere in a tizzy. Just her unemotional demeanor was somehow sexy. If youíve never seen the Maxim issue she appeared in, then youíre one unlucky bastard.
01. Seven of Nine: Okay, Iíll admit it. I stopped watching Voyager well before Seven of Nine hopped on board to try to gain more ratings via boobies. I remained indifferent, but still consider this super lusty Borg to be the sexiest woman in the Star Trek franchise.
Special Super Bonus!
Star Trek has had some hotties, but it also had its fair share of unsexy moments. Here is our list of the least sexy Star Trek women.
10. Lieutenant Ilia: How do you make a hot woman not hot? Shave off all her hair. If watching Spock fly through a giant spaceship for five hours in Star Trek: The Motion Picture wasnít bad enough, this is just an insult.
9. Kira Nerys: Kira's the type of woman that makes me think ďmehĒ when I look at her. Neither horribly ugly nor horribly attractive, the only reason Kira makes this list is that my Bíjoran attractiveness expectations were set so high from Ro in Next Generation that they were only dashed like a ship upon rocks when I first saw Deep Space Nine.
7. Early Beverly Crusher: Congrats Bev, for making it on both lists! I always sensed that the good Dr. had potential in her early days, yet she hid it under her stupid medical lab coat, horrible hair cut, and a thick manish shield.
6. Cardassians: Combine the worst features of a Klingon, a human woman, and a reptile and you have a Cardassian female. The saddest fact is that the image below is of one of the more attractive Cardassian women. Ick.
5. Klingon "Women": There is nothing more sexually confusing than some nice cleavage combined with a hideous head crest on a frightening Klingon woman. If you ever have a sexual thought and youíre looking at a Klingon woman, poke your eyes out immediately. The only thing worse than a standard Klingon woman is B'Elanna Torres from Star Trek Voyager (pictured below right). She nearly looks human enough, but I bet once you're alone with her the vagina teeth unsheathe!
4. Males in Star Trek Mini Skirts: Youíve seen these dopes running around in the background in a few of the episodes of The Next Generation and Iím sure youíve thought, ďWas that for real?Ē Sadly, it is. We know that there aren't a lot of manly men in the Star Trek universe during the time of the "we're beyond crime and money" era of Next Generation, but even pansified men should not wear mini-skirts. This is especially true when they arenít wearing wigs and padded bras and I'm not drunk so then I can imagine and get my ten bucks worth. Uh, what the hell am I talking about?
3: Captain Janeway: The transition to the first female captain in a Star Trek series was made easier for fans by hiring a butch Lesbian complete with scary man voice to helm the Voyager.
2: Quark's Mom (Moogie): Our second Mom on the list is proof positive that Star Trek is 99% MILF free. It also gives another good reason to why the Ferengi should be systematically eradicated from the universe.
1. The Borg Queen: The first time I had seen her I thought, "Fucking gross!" I still think that to this very day.
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