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Mountain Dew Game Fuel Sucks
While cruising around Wal-Mart looking for cheap food and vainly searching for new G.I. Joe figures, I decided to hit up the old soda cases to see what kind of tasty carbonated beverage that I could tickle my taste buds with. When I reached into the case and found a bottle of red Mountain Dew, I was elated. One of my favorite sodas is Code Red. I’m a sucker for that cherry flavored taste of heaven. Upon further investigation, I found that I was wrong. This bottle bore the image of Halo’s Master Chief, one of my top three personal heroes along with Vince Neil and O.J. Simpson. This was Mountain Dew’s “Game Fuel,” corporate master Pepsi’s lame attempt at making a soda aimed at video game junkies (like all soda isn’t aimed at that crowd already). Well, I like Master Chief, I like Mountain Dew, I love artificial cherry flavoring, and I love corporate whoring (please send us money, corporations, we will do things for you) so I figured that this was a win, win, win, win situation. Holy crap balls was I wrong. My first swig was nothing but a cherry rush of ass in my mouth. The problem is that it is that Mountain Dew Game fuel is much too sweet. Instead of tasting fantastic like a cherry flavored soda (i.e. Code Red), it instead tastes like Master Chief's sweaty ass, who I’m guessing has one horrid ass environment because he’s in that suit 100% of the time. I don’t like wasting money on soda so I drank the whole thing and not at any point did it get any better. It’s unbelievably bad and while it doesn’t state this on the label, I’m guessing that Mountain Dew Game Fuel will make you sterile. Something that tastes this bad couldn’t possibly not destroy your ability to procreate. (I’m pretty sure it ruins ovaries too). Master Chief, I’m ashamed. And Pepsi, for love of gamers everywhere please don’t ever again make a product that tastes like a diabetic’s nut sack when using one of the most popular, and coolest, video game franchises around. - Paul - 08/14/07 |
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