Korgoth of Barbaria 

One of the five people you meet in heaven.

Last weekend a cartoon aired on Adult Swim that redefined a generation. For those of you who missed the moon landing of cartoon action/comedy extravaganzas, I’ve decided to give Korgoth a little free “press” on our “internet site." (Click here for a preview)

Korgoth of Barbaria is a different kind of Adult Swim cartoon. Instead of the main character Korgoth being the usual long haired androgynous teenage action hero of countless anime shows, he is a long haired manly man of super manly strength and power. Think Brock Sampson from Venture Brothers times like... a million billion. Korgoth is a barbarian in the fine tradition of barbarians like Thundarr, Conan the Conquer/Destroyer/Pirate/King, and former U.S. president William Henry Harrison.  

The pilot episode that aired this last weekend was balls out savage to the max. Wait… let me add an extra ‘X’ or two to that sentence to fully convey how balls out it was, “The first episode was balls out savage to the maxxx.” That’s much better. The main plot detailed how Korgoth was hired to steal an artifact of great power and his subsequent adventures. There wasn’t much to this plot except lots of crazy violence. It wasn’t just any kind of crazy violence though, it was super spicy barbarian style violence with extra blood sauce. Before the pilot was over the mighty Korgoth had killed a good half dozen guys and a wizard. What makes the show Korgoth of Barbaria unique is that its titular hero kills in a variety of ways using a multitude of weapons, up to and including his bare hands, in a much more violent method than seen in other media. Even when he crushes a foe in a manner seen before, it’s done with such style that it’s both hilarious and educational. I never knew you could tear off 1/4^th of a man’s skin simply by pulling on his pony tail.  

Korgoth is a great character, because let’s face it: Barbarians are fucking awesome. Like all barbarians, it seems that Korgoth’s hierarchy of needs is as follows:  

• Kill anything and everything that is even vaguely irritating. 

• Eat a steady diet of various and vaguely identifiable “meats” as messily as possible.

• Drink mead by the gallon. If mead is unavailable, any beverage that may possibly turn a human blind may do.

• Ravage super hot women with big boobs. We must note that in the barbarian’s habitat practically every woman is super hot with big boobs. This includes any normal peasants, bar wenches, princesses, gods, female warlords, etc. The only other women that live in the barbarian habitat that aren't super hot and have big boobs are old crones and super hot witches with big boobs who are really old crones in disguise.

It’s unknown at this time if Korgoth punches dromedaries or has a humorous sidekick like other famous barbarians. Otherwise, Korgoth is your average take-no-prisoners barbarian seen only in Robert E. Howard’s wettest dreams.

Since barbarians kill about 67 to 103 wizards a year depending on the climate, Korgoth’s animated adventure depicted a fairly standard day in the life of a barbarian. Still, even a standard day for a barbarian is the most awesome thrill ride an normal person could imagine. I'd definitely like to see more outings staring Korgoth. Personally, I’d like to see how he handles evil snake men. If there is a high God of Ankoroth sitting on his throne made of lesser gods’ skulls like my clan’s shaman assures me, then Cartoon Network will pick up Korgoth of Barbaria as a series. It certainly has the potential of being a big hit for the network for at least a couple of years before going down the shitter like Sealab 2021. If you want such a fine series on your TV tube, then write Cartoon Network and declare you desire for more kickass barbarian cartoons starting Korgoth or you’ll be dismembered in a highly painful yet hilarious way.

- Paul - 06/09/06

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