My Random Crazy Person Thoughts 

Nothing says insanity more than a monkey shooting without proper eye and ear protection.

Awhile back I decided to try a little experiment and write down some random thoughts. After a little while, I realized that some of the things I think are fairly frightening. Instead of going to see a psychologist, I decided to collect some of the craziest of the bunch and share them with the world to see. Now remember, if I end up on the news after being accused of doing something horrible, this was a comedy bit and not real at all.   

• That black guy is huge. He could totally power-rape me and there would be nothing I could do about it. Not that I’d want that. No, that would be bad.

• If I had a gun and I shot that kid's parents during a robbery, I’d totally say, “Hey kid, have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?” before making my getaway. Yeah, that kid would so turn into Batman.

• I’m so drunk. I could totally beat that guy up. And his friend. And that cop. I'm so strong I'm like He-Man right now! I think I'll take off my pants.

• How much it would hurt if I jumped in front of that train? I bet it would hurt a lot. You know, if I pushed someone else it wouldn't hurt me at all, but I at least I could gauge their reaction. I'm a genius.

• Wouldn’t it be funny if I just kinda drove the car into oncoming traffic? I bet that would shut her up real quick.

• What was it like to have sex with Hitler? I bet that moustache would really bother me.

• I wonder how much of this kitten I could fit into my mouth.

• It’s early enough this morning that I bet I could pee off this balcony and no one would ever know. Then again I can’t predict how long I’d pee. I’d hate to be caught mid stream unable to stop. How could I run away then? I’d have to pee on the person who spotted me. I wouldn’t have any choice, it would be my only defense.

• I'm going to pay off this card at the end of every month.

• There’s no question this Liquid Plumber is dangerous, but what does it taste like? It doesn’t smell all that bad. I should maybe try a little to see. For science.

• She might be a little bi-polar now, but I’m sure our relationship will only grow stronger if we move in together.

• I wonder if anyone would try to stop me if I tried opening the cabin door in mid-flight. I bet I could do it if I was fast enough. Who’s going to stop me? That old lady? Please!

- Paul - 09/17/07

Tags: crazy humor rant