Pirates Dishonor Ninjas on Day of the Ninja

Ninjas are the hardest working people on Earth. Even on their days off they must battle dragons just to meet par.

It seems as though today was the Day of the Ninja. I was stealthily notified of this while browsing the internet today. But I ask, why December 5^th and why only one day dedicated to the ninja?

The ninja should be celebrated every day, like Kool-Aid and squids. One day is not long enough to contain the amount of ninja-ness needed to fully honor the ninja. How can you celebrate Ninja Scroll, Ninja Golf, Ninja Gaiden, Shinobi, Snake Eyes, Storm Shadow, Ninja Spawn, Ninjai, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Ninja High School, and the female ninja robot Nightbird in one day? You simply can not. And for the love of ninja, don't celebrate Naruto. He is one "ninja" that dishonors all ninja by merely existing.

As for the date, maybe there was some special ninja event that occurred on this day in a feudal ninja time. Was this the day that ninjas declared their independence from samurai? Or perhaps this is the day when the few remaining red wolf ninjas defeated an entire legion of Russian pirate strongmen and pirate attack dogs. Or this could also be the day when the Ninja-Cylons, still under the control of the United Nations, destroyed a base full of evil Nazi cowboy ninja zombies.

Or was this just some random date chosen by Ninja Burger, the self-proclaimed creators of Day of the Ninja? Most likely it was. The Day of the Ninja was made so that a ninja-centric website can bump up their December hits. It's kind of lame and not nearly as glorious as the above ninja scenarios. Although, by writing about it not only am I recognizing its existence, but participating and helping their hit count rise (and possibly ours as well). Ah, well. Happy Day of the Ninja? Hmm, that is probably not the right thing to say. I should probably say “…” like ninja do, but with a ninja-y accent.

…

However, there is grave news for the ninja on this Day of the Ninja in the year 2006. Are the ninja aware that the pirates have violently ripped this day from their kung-fu grip? Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest was released on DVD today, stealing nearly all of the ninja-thunder form the Day of the Ninja. Were there any ninja DVDs released today? No. I am always pro-ninja and would choose ninjas over pirates any day, but the ninjas have been defeated on their own day.

Ninjas unite!

To you, dear ninja, I say the following. I am sorry, ninja, but you have lost this day, your day, the Day of the Ninja. Rally your fellow ninjas, master ninjas, ninjas-in-training, ninja-lings, ninja golfers, and robot ninjas to prepare a massive counterattack so that you may defeat the pirates for next year’s Talk Like a Pirate Day on September 19^th. Only then will your Day of the Ninja honor be restored.

- Shawn - 12/05/06